Rick and Danny: Rick-stery Meat
by TFSyndicate
Summary: A mashup of the first episode(s) of their respective shows, set in the dimension (an AU if you will) where Rick is Danny's uncle. HALFA RICK!
1. Twilight

The Fenton Ghost Portal failed. It was time to go to bed. Nobody stayed behind in the lab to figure out what wrong. Sam Manson and Tucker Foley decided to spend the night in their friend Danny Fenton's room, because it was late; Even without the portal, there were still evil ghosts out there on a regular basis on this time of night.  
In the middle of the night, Danny's bedroom door flew open and all three were awakened by the blinding light and the old sky blue-haired man who turned them on.  
"Danny!" he said, falling over, "You gotta...come on. Y...you gotta come with me, Danny."  
"What?" said Danny, drowsily, "What's going on?"  
"C'mon, I gotta surprise for you, Danny."  
"It's the middle of the night, Uncle Rick. What're you talking about?"  
Uncle Rick stood up, pulled the covers off of Danny's bed, and grabbed him by the leg.  
"C'mon, hurry up," Rick dropped no clues, "Gotta get outta here. I gotta surprise for you, Danny!"  
"OW!" complained Danny, "You're tugging me too hard!"  
Sam and Tucker, fearing for the worst, followed.

In the basement lab stood the giant Fenton Ghost Portal.  
"I...I've been working on this all night, Danny," explained Uncle Rick, "Trying to...g-g-get it to go."  
"Okay," said Danny, unfazed and tired, "Is that the surprise, Uncle Rick?"  
It became clear that Uncle Rick...was _drunk_.  
"Danny...I need to...I need to...I need to get me some extra hands here, Danny, make this thing work, like your parents want it, Danny."  
"Really? Can it wait until morning?" Danny asked.  
Rick ignored him, and handed him a white jumpsuit, with matching black boots and gloves.  
"He...here, Danny. Put this on. I...i...it 'suits' ya! Hahahahaha!"  
Sam and Tucker meanwhile stood in the back of the room, out of harm's way; half trying to stay awake, half trying to fall asleep. Rick turned on a flashlight and set it on the floor, aiming it at the portal so they could see better.  
"Wa...wait'll you see the look on my sister/your mother's face when she...finds out we got the...portal working, Danny!"  
"Will she?" said Danny, unsure.  
"Sure, why not, I dunno. You know, Da..."  
And just like that, Danny's uncle passed out against his side of the portal. Danny started to hear noises around him. He pulled Rick's head aside to realize that he fell asleep against...the ON button.

Sam and Tucker's eyes shot wide open. A great big flash from the Portal grabbed their attention. Soon afterward, it was replaced by a green swirl, meaning the portal was, at last, operational. Danny and Uncle Rick were suddenly lying down on the floor in front of Sam and Tucker's feet. Something was different about both of them. A few seconds later, they came to.  
"Uh...Danny? Rick?" said Sam, "You might wanna look at yourselves in the mirror."  
A mirror was nearby. Rick and Danny looked at their reflections. Something was _definitely_ different about them. Danny's black hair turned white, and the jumpsuit turned black. Likewise, Rick's bright blue hair turned dark brown- the same hair color as in his glory days-and his bright grey lab coat was now dark grey. They looked down and saw they they were also hovering slightly above the ground.  
Danny passed out from the shock. Rick passed out because he was drunk. Still. Afterwards, there was a different kind of flash, and before they knew it, Sam and Tucker saw Rick and Danny turn back to normal.

They carried Rick to his makeshift bed on the living room couch, and Danny back to his room. They decided it'd be best if they didn't bring it up in the morning.

* * *

 **Drinking Game:** Take a shot every time Rick says Danny. Start with Chapter 1.


	2. Morning

Sam and Tucker left early in the morning before Danny woke up; they needed a change of clothes before school. He tried his best to look normal, like whatever happened last night was a bad dream. He was seated before his cereal bowl, between his sister Jazz reading a book ( _Surviving Adolescence through Therapy_ ), and his uncle Rick, chowing down on fried eggs. Danny wish he asked for that, but at the same time, he wished he watched where his spoon was going, as it dropped through his hand and into the bowl. He _really_ needed to work on that.  
Across the table were Danny's parents, Jack and Maddie; the latter Rick's sister, thus making her maiden name Sanchez. Jack was putting the finishing touches on a new handheld thing he's been working on for quite some time now. He figured now was a good time to turn it on and test it out.  
"Welcome," a voice from the handheld said, "A ghost is near. Walk forward."  
Jack moved the handheld, labeled 'Fenton Finder', in the requested direction, toward Danny and Rick.  
"Ghost located," said the voice. Then the handheld switched off.  
"Huh! That can't be right!" said Jack, "It's pointing to you guys!"  
Danny gulped down a mouthful of cereal and began to speak.  
"Actually, I...need to tell you guys something..."  
But Jazz, like a sitcom character who drops in out of nowhere, cut him off.  
"That's not all you need, Danny. You need guidance, and somebody who can provide it."  
"I'm sorry, Jazz," said Rick, interrupting _her_ , "But whatever you're gonna say is URRP the one thousand, one hundred thirty eighth reason I drink. Besides, if Danny says he needs to tell you something, let him. Okay, Danny, do your thing."  
"Uh...Mom? Dad?" stuttered Danny nervously, "Rick woke me up last night, and we went down to the lab, and we got the portal working."  
Maddie was delighted. Jack, not so. Not because of the portal, but because of Rick.  
"That's the sixth time this month, Rick," said Jack, "You know better than to wake up Danny in the middle of the night- _especially_ on a school night!"  
"What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? Y...Y...You realize that n-night time makes up half of all time?"  
"Dad's got a point, Uncle Rick," said Jazz, uninvitingly again, "I may be sixteen, but mentally I'm an adult, and I will not let you be a bad influence on Danny's impressionable, fourteen-year-old mind," she turned to Jack and Maddie, "And that goes for you, too, with your _insane_ obsession with ghosts. Why can't I have a normal family like everyone else?"  
"There's no such thing as 'normal', Jazz," Rick countered, "Gotta rip that band-aid off now. You'll thank me later."

At this point, Maddie wanted to change the subject back to the portal.  
"So what was wrong with the portal?" she asked.  
"Uh...I dunno. I blacked out, and I woke up and there it was." Sometimes, Rick was not a reliable source.  
Danny was more on target, "You accidentally put the on switch on the inside. Rick hit his head on it when he blacked out. Unfortunately, we were caught in its electro-ecto...whatever was used to make that portal...and long story short, I don't think I'll ever be normal like Jazz."  
"How?" said Maddie.  
"Uh..." Danny wanted to be as subtle as he could, but unfortunately for him, Rick beat him to it.  
"The poURRPrtal gave us the ability to turn into a ghost."  
He stood up to demonstrate. In a flash, he was in his ghost getup, pretty much the same wear he was in last night.  
"C'mon, Danny, show them your ghost side, or wa...wha...whatever you call it!"  
"Geez, Rick," said Danny, "I was hoping we could keep it a secret, you know cause they _hunt_ ghosts."  
"Ugh, y...y...you read too many comic books, Danny. This is real life! O...O...Or at least the real life where ghosts are commonplace. (I'm still URRP working on that) C'mon, do it for your uncle, Danny!"  
Danny stood up. Reluctantly, he switched to his ghost side for his parents and sister to see.  
Maddie was surprised, then amazed. Jack was still mad.  
"My little guy is a spy on the inside!" Maddie declared.  
"This has gone too far, Rick," said Jack, "If it were just you who gained ghost powers, I'd let it slide. But to let _Danny_ get involved in this mess? How is my son supposed to pass his classes now?"  
Rick and Danny sat down and continued their breakfast.  
"Listen, Jack," stuttered Rick, "I...I...I don't want to overstep my bounds or anything. It's your house, your world... you're a real Julius Caesar. But I'll tell you something...how I feel about school, Jack. It's a waste of time! Buncha people running around, bumping into each other. G-guy up front says, "two plus two," people in the back say, "four." The...then the bell rings, and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go to the bathroom or something. I mean, it's not a place for smart people."  
Jack did not move from his chair. He just gave Rick a hairy eyeball as Rick picked up his now-empty plate and took it to the sink. Danny and Maddie followed.  
"I know it's not a popular opinion," Rick concluded, "J...just my two cents on the issue."  
Jazz put her book down, then left the table to grab her car keys.  
"C'mon, Danny," she said, "Lemmie drive you to school."  
As soon as the two children and their uncle were out of the room, Jack looked concentratingly at the door they walked through.  
"Your brother is really a bad influence, Maddie," said Jack, then a thought occured to him, "Wait...Jazz never offers Danny a ride to school...IS SHE A GHOST TOO?!"  
Jack stood up to run for the door, but Maddie, still seated, grabbed ahold of Jack's jumpsuit, keeping him at bay.  
"Finish your breakfast."


	3. Noon

The first half of the school day came and went like nobody's business. Then lunch came around. So far so good. Nobody noticed anything peculiar with Danny. Not even after he walked through the snack machine. To be fair, Sam and Tucker were blocking the view somewhat.  
"Maybe I should ask Dad or Uncle Rick to undo what the portal did to me," Danny lamented.  
"Are you kidding?" said Sam, "Your ghost powers are what make you special! Take me, I'm an ultra-recyclo-vegetarian!"  
Blank stares from Danny and Tucker caused Sam to elaborate, "It means I don't eat anything with a face on it."  
"Okay, I can do you one better," said Tucker, proudly, "Two words: Meat connoisseur!" He took a sniff of Danny, "You had a sloppy joe last night," Danny was impressed, "Not bad for a fourteen-year-long meat streak!"  
Sam, not so.  
"Sorry, Tuck, but that's about to change," she gestured a newly revised menu in the cafeteria. No meat. Just grass burgers and mud pies. _Yum_.  
Danny was lucky to get in line right behind Paulina. He wanted to flirt with her _so bad_ , but he knew he couldn't: not because she was out of his 'league', but she was actually his _cousin once removed_. In other words, she was Rick's granddaughter.  
It was almost Danny's turn at the lunchladies' counter, when SPLAT, he was hit in the face with a mud pie. And Danny knew _exactly_ who threw it at him.  
"Hey FenTOENAIL!" It was Dash, "I ask for three mud pies, and you know what I got? Three mud pies...made out of _dirt_!"  
Dash scooped another portion of mud into his hand, and prepared to throw it in Danny's face. Danny braced himself for dear life, when, suddenly, nothing happened. Dash was literally frozen solid. As cold as ice. Danny knew of only one person who could do _that_ , and he was standing right behind Dash, with a freezing gun in his hand.  
"There you are, Danny!" Rick put the gun back into his lab coat, "Lissentame! I got a big errand to run in the GhURRPost Zone, I..I...I need an extra pair of hands, Danny!" then aside to his granddaughter, "Hello Paulina."  
"Seriously, Uncle Rick?" said Danny, "We're in the middle of a cafeteria, my friends are here, lunch ladies are behind us. Do you really think it's a good idea to talk about ghost powers out in the open like this? I mean, it's bad enough that my parents know..."  
"What did I just say this morning, Danny?" Rick countered, "Secrets only work in cURRPomic books! Look, I...I...don't have enough time to get your head wrapped around this, Danny, but ifit...ifit...ifit...if it makes you feel better, we're not the only hURRPalfas in the world!"  
"Ha...Half-a?"  
"That's right, Danny!" Rick explained, "It means your half-a-human, and ha...half-a-something else! In this case, we're half-a-ghost, Danny! I'm HALF-A-RICK! Now come on!"  
"No, Rick. I don't wanna leave school again!"  
"Do you have any concept of how much higher the stakes get out there, Danny? What? You think I can just do it all by myself? Come on!"  
"All right," Danny caved, "I guess it'll be better than mud pie," Sam gave Danny an evil face, "What about Dash?"  
"We can unfreeze him later, Danny. He'll be fine. Let's go. HALFA RICK!"  
Danny and Rick turned into ghosts, then exited through the ceiling.  
Jazz was the last one to show up in the cafeteria, after Rick left with Danny. Immediately, she set her eyes on the frozen Dash, unaware of his current state.  
"Hi, Dash," she flirted.  
The Dash stiff tipped over, and shattered into pieces. There goes the school's top quarterback. And the school's bully.

* * *

Rick led Danny to an alley somewhere else in town. He pulled out a newly made gun from his lab coat.  
"Made this while you were gone," said Rick, "It can create a portal _anywhere_ you fire it! Kinda makes your parent's wall-mounted portal look obsolete, amiright?"  
He fired the run at the wall before them.  
"There we go. Okay, c'mon Danny."  
Rick floated in through the portal, followed by Danny. They remained in their ghost modes so as not to look inconspicuous in...the almighty **ghost zone!  
** "What _is_ this place?" said Danny, filled with shock and awe.  
"It's the ghost zone, Danny," Rick explained, "This is where _all_ that is dead reside! Many of them good, many of them URRP bad, just like you and me," then under his breath, "and _Jack_ said they're _all_ evil..."  
Danny was evesdropping, to Rick's dismay.  
"Why do you suppose Dad thinks all ghosts are evil?"  
"Listen, Danny, if I was just a comURRPplete stranger living in your house, I'd say that your dad i...i...is just a...justa bumbling, tubby, fudge-loving idiot who watches too many movies that have the ghosts...cast as the villain, Danny."  
"Soooooooooooooo...why are we here, Uncle Rick?"  
"You sure love talking a lot, Danny. Must be a side effect of having ecto junk in your blood," Rick put him down, "All right. At around this time in the Ghost Zone, it's the perfect climate conditions for a special type of tree, Danny, called an EctoTree, and there's fruit in those trees, and there's seeds in those fruits. I'm talking about EctoSeeds. The...they're incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, Danny."  
"Oh...okay, Uncle Rick," said Danny, nervous and unsure about himself, "This isn't gonna take long, is it?"  
Rick got down on one knee, and gave Danny his version of a 'pep talk'.  
"Listen, Danny. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m...meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull...that's how we grow as people," Danny started to crack a smile while Rick continued, "Look at me, Danny. There's nothing I love more than running head-on into a scary situation like the ones that lie here in the Ghost Zone. So if you stick with me, Danny, we're gonna beHOLY C***, DANNY! RUN FOR YOUR AFTERLIFE!"  
A scary ghost monster began chasing the duo from behind. It looked _nothing_ like anything that Danny ever saw _live_.  
"I NEVER SAW A THING LIKE THAT BEFORE IN MY LIFE!" Rick took the words right out of Danny's mouth.


	4. Midday

Rick was never on Jack's good side since the day he moved in. For starters, he wanted to rename Fenton Works™ so that they're instead listed in the books as Sanchez and Fenton™. At the moment, as you know, Rick was out of the house, busy with Danny. But to Jack, Rick was out of the house: that's all that mattered. For all he knew, Danny was still at school...probably making a fool of himself with his newly-acquired ghost powers.

In the lab, Jack was putting some wires together on a circuit board that'll maybe result in something, I dunno. He looked around his work space for something he feels is missing.  
"Honey, where's that thing I put together to capture and contain ghosts? Y'know, the Fenton Thermos™?"  
"I put it in Jazz's backpack before she left," said Maddie.  
"Why would you do that?"  
"Because ghosts have been known to loiter around that area, and I wanted my babies to be safe."  
"You must really think I'm stupid," said Jack in disgust.  
"NO!" said Maddie, "Why would you think that? It's not like it's the only Thermos we have, right?"  
"It _is_ the only Thermos we have, I was going to _use_ it!"  
"But can't you make another one?"  
"That's not the point," Jack inhaled, "You _say_ you're looking out for your kids, but _I_ think your _thinking_ you're looking out for your _brother_ , who has been an _unwelcome_ house guest since _day one_!"  
"How do you think _he_ feels?" Maddie countered, "He just came back after a heavy divorce that lost us my grandniece Paulina!"  
As they spoke, a ghost the size and shape of a chubby lunch lady quietly emerged from the portal. They were too busy arguing, they didn't/couldn't pay any attention.  
"Well this is the last straw," Jack declared, "One more step out of line, and Rick is getting torn apart, molecule by molecule. And I _can_ do that to him because _he_ is technically a _ghost_!"  
"What about Danny? He's 'technically' (air quotes here) a ghost too. I suppose you wanna come down on him too just because he's there."  
Jack was about to say something, but then he realized his own son shouldn't be involved in this, even though he sort of is.  
He finally said "I dunno, I suppose you _could_ coddle him like you do, at least make him feel better somehow...We'll deal with him later."

Then the phone rang. Maddie went to answer it.  
"Hello?"  
"Mrs. Fenton? Principal Ishiyama. We need to have a face-to-face talk about your son."

* * *

"Allright, Danny, take a deep breath; breathe in _alllll_ that air, Danny. Y'know what that is? It's ectoplasm and oxygen mixed! Perfectly safe, non-toxic EctOxide!"  
"Wow! They have a name for that?"  
"No, just something that popped into my head, Danny. Who knows, maybe it'll catch on or whatever."  
Danny didn't have the chance to get the hang of flying until now. He and Rick have just evaded...whatever that monster was.  
"This is amazing!" Danny said gleefully, "If I had known that blood and ectoplasm could be mixed, I would've made myself a halfa sooner!"  
"I'm very proud of you, DURRPanny," Rick burped, "That's your mother's adventurous side talking!"

Then Rick stopped and stared at something, and, grabbing Danny by the feet, directed his attention toward the something...without letting go.  
"Haaatatatatata...Danny, you see this? You see what we've stumbled upon, Danny?"  
Danny took a guess, "The EctoTrees?"  
"That's right, Danny!" said Rick, "With the Ecto-fruit-things on them...that's what I'm talking about, Danny! That's where my seeds are. They're gonna be URRP super valuable to my work, Danny!"  
"This should be a piece of cake," Danny thought out loud, "Hopefully I'll be back in time before school ends!"  
Rick took out a piece of belt and socked him with it.  
"Really, Danny, and miss out on this, Danny? I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us. Look at that thing right there," Rick pointed to another weird ghost thing that paid them no attention, "What the hell is that thing? You think you're gonna see that kind of thing at school? Look at it just lumbering around. It defies all logic, that thing."  
"Aren't there supposed to be _real_ ghosts in the Ghost Zone, Uncle Rick? Like, I dunno, people?"  
"Try not to think about it right now, Danny. This area is theURRPir equURRPivalent of a frontier, waiting to be explored. Now let's go get those seeds!"

* * *

Meanwhile back at school...  
Jack and Maddie met with Principal Ishiyama, and they initiated a walk-and-talk in the hallway.  
"According to homeroom teacher Mr. Lancer," said the principal, "Your son has only attended three and a half hours of school today. Do you have any idea where he went, or why he took off?"  
"Well," Maddie guessed, "He _does_ have his problems with bullies, namely that one kid, Dash."  
"Not anymore." Ishiyama led the two into the cafeteria. The ice shards that once were Dash were still there, and so was Jazz, Sam and Tucker.  
"WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO ME?!" Jazz complained to anyone who would listen.  
"I would've done something about him _myself_ ," Isiyama explained, "But as he is... _was_ the captain of the football team, he was exempt from scorn," she sighed, "Four touchdown passes in his last game. He's going to be hard to replace."  
She stopped herself from rambling and redirected her attention back to Jack and Maddie.

"What about Danny?" said Maddie.  
"Eyewitnesses say of a...eccentric, mad old man came in out of thin air and took him away," said Ishiyama.  
Jack instantly figured out the one responsible.  
"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! He is RUINING our CHILD!" he shouted, "Wait...why am I celebrating?"  
All thoughts over the current situation were interrupted by louder shouting, coming from the other end of the cafeteria.  
 **" _WHO CHANGED THE MENU?!_ "  
**"Somehow," sighed the principal, "I knew letting a student have her way with the school was a bad idea..."


	5. Afternoon

Danny floated up, around, and finally on top of, an EctoTree. He plunged his hand into the leavy, brambly bush that called itself a tree, and pulled out an EctoSeed for Rick. Then he took out another one with his other hand.  
"Seriously Uncle Rick," said Danny, "Why're you acting like it's a rush to see the Ghost Zone? I mean, we have the portal back home, you have a gun that can make portals wherever you want. It doesn't look like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity; we could come back here tomorrow or something and get some more of these seeds."  
"Hmm...you make a pretty strong argument, Danny," said Rick, "I'm proud of you. The reason I'm making you do this now...is...is...is that this is the time of the year when these EctoSeeds are at their ripest. You're doing great, Danny, you're a real helping hand. Unlike your Dad, Danny, he...he...he's an idiot. Annnnnnddddd _speaking_ of Dad, it's URRP time to get outta here, Danny."  
Rick pulled out his portal generating gun and aimed it at a small cliff made of EctoRock. He pulled the trigger, bracing for an impact of some kind. Nothing.  
"OH S**T! MY CROSS-ZONAL PORTAL DEVICE, DANNY! It's outta charge...I...I...It's got no charge left, Danny!"  
"Wha?" said Danny, almost dropping the EctoSeeds, "What are you talking about?"  
"This gun is a prototype! It's got some glitches that I haven't worked out! And I'll bet these glitches are essence of Jack, Danny! He...he...he was giving me the hairy eyeball the whole time I was working on this gun, Danny...probably deliberately messed up some of the wiring so it will only work once!"  
Danny panicked. He was gonna miss School for sure, _much_ more School than he _wanted_ to miss!  
"How're we gonna get home now, Uncle Rick?"  
"Relax, Danny, two can play this game. Jack thinks he can keep me trapped in here, Danny, we'll we're gonna show him. Now listen, there's supposed to be a naturally-generated portal that should lead us back to town and your beloved school. But it's a public portal, so it's gonna be a hassle. We're gonna need to go through cross-zonal customs, so...yoURRPu're gonna have to do me a _real_ solid, Danny."  
Danny gulped as Rick unfolded his plan.  
"When we get to customs, I'm gonna need you to take these seeds into the bathroom, and I'm gonna need you to put them _way_ up inside your butthole, Danny!"  
"What?" said Danny, confused as he'll ever be.  
"Put 'em _waaayyy_ up there, Danny, as far as they can fit! Th...these seeds aren't gonna get through customs unless they're in someone's rectum, Danny!"  
Danny took a turn for the uncomfortable.  
"Y...y...you've got your whole life (and your _after_ life) ahead of you, and your anal cavity is still taut-yet-malleable. You gotta do it for your uncle, Danny. URRP You gotta put these seeds inside your butt!"  
"Uhh...okay," Danny groaned.  
Anything to get back to school.

* * *

The ghostly lunch lady floated around the cafeteria, waiting for the guilty one to step forward.  
"Who changed the menu?" She demanded again, "The menu hasn't been changed in fifty years!"  
Tucker, scared, shoved Sam to the front of the bundled-up crowd without thinking.  
"Well?" said the Lunch Lady.  
"Well yourself? You have a problem with vegetarians?"  
"PERISH!"  
From the Lunch Lady's hands spawned a huge glob of meat. All over Sam. Tucker went straight up next to Sam and started gobbling up the meat.  
"Why won't _you_ eat meat? Look at how happy _he_ is," the Lunch Lady said to Sam, pointing at Tucker to prove her point.  
Sam just stood there, unamused, "It's murder to animals."  
"It provides essential nutrients to a **_balanced diet OF DOOM_**!" The Lunch Lady then conjured a chicken drum stick and a fish in her hands, "Chicken or fish?"

Maddie sidled up next to Jazz.  
"Jazz, you still have the Fenton Thermos™ we gave you before you left?" she asked.  
Jazz reached behind her and pulled the Thermos out of her pocket, handing it to her mother. Maddie then handed it to Jack.  
"Jazz, what were you doing with the Thermos?" said Jack.  
"For protection, duh!" said Jazz, matter-of-factly.  
"Told you," said Maddie.  
Jack grasped the Fenton Thermos™ with both hands, then held down the ON button. Nothing happened. He shoved it onto Maddie. She tried to turn it on, but also to no effect.  
"I bet you messed with it on purpose," said Jack, mad once again, "So I wouldn't be able to use it on Rick."  
"Honestly, Jack," said Maddie, "I'm genuinely surprised right now. You're the one who used it last, on that eco-puss that was on our front stoop last night."  
"Weird."

* * *

Meanwhile at the cross-zonal customs inspection area, Danny emerged from the bathroom and joined Rick's spot in line. The wait was long, but it was bound to be worth it: It wouldn't be any longer before the customs inspector would ask them to turn out their pockets for anything in the Ghost Zone that wouldn't be allowed in the living, only to see that their pockets are empty. Beyond the inspection area was the portal to the real world: It scanned the ghost's desires of where they wanted to go, and dropped them there. For Danny, it was back to school. For Rick…whatever.  
"I gotta say, Danny," said Rick, honest, "I really don't like it here; this part of the Ghost Zone has bureaucracy written all over it. You know me, Danny, I don't like being told where to go or what to do…didja get those seeds all the way up your butt?"  
"Yeah," Danny groaned in pain, "Those things are pointy."  
Rick patted Danny on the back.  
"That means they're goURRPod ones. You're a good kid, Danny. Those EctoSeeds are gonna super URRPvaluable to my work, Danny. You're being a huge help to me, Danny!"  
Before they knew it, they were next in line for the customs inspection. Their inspector, Walker, was tall, white, and not someone to mess with. If this were a courtroom, Walker would be the judge, jury _and_ executioner. He must _love_ executing…

"Next," announced Walker.  
Rick emptied the pockets of his lab coat. Nothing much at the moment, really. Just his dead portal gun, some other guns that were pretty much useless at the moment, and his smartphone. Walker gave him a further pat-down, just to be sure. The whole time, Walker did not suspect anything amiss. As far as he was concerned, Rick was just another ghost, on his way to wreck havoc or visit a friend in the human world.  
"Okay, sir. Have a nice day," said Walker.  
Danny stepped forward, but was grabbed by the inspector.  
"You. Come with me, kid."  
"Hey, what did _I_ do?" Danny gasped.  
"Yeah, what's he going with you for?" said Rick.  
"Random check," Walker explained, "He gets to go through a new machine we're testing. None of your concern—now move along."  
"NUNNAMY CONCERN?! I'm his _UNCLE_! I've a riURRPght to know! Uh…wa…wa…wha…what…What new machine?"  
"It detects stuff all the way up your butt," said Walker.  
"I see," said Rick, then yelling, "RUN, DANNY!"  
Danny turned intangible and flew out of Walker's tight grasp. Walker pulled out a walkie talkie and babbled into it.  
"RED ALERT! RED ALERT!"  
While Danny caught up with Rick, a horde of security ghosts gathered up behind them.  
One guard shouted into a bullhorn, "Young one, step away from the portal, and over to the anal scan."  
Rick stepped forward to the mind scanning area for the school's coordinates, and tossed Danny his freezing gun.  
"Danny! Cover me!"  
Danny aimed the freezing gun at the oncoming guards and fired. Nothing happened.  
"It's not working, Rick!" Danny complained.  
"Huh! They must have ice cores or something," Rick snatched the gun back from Danny, "L…l…looks like you're on your own, Danny."  
Danny, nervous, clenched his fists unconsciously. Then he saw ectoplasm form around his hands. Scared, he threw the charged ectoplasm at one of the guards…and he fell backwards, as did two guards that stood behind him.  
"NICE ONE, DANNY!" Rick yelled amidst the commotion, "Keep it up! We're almost home!"  
Danny did the same thing he did before on the remaining guards. It was insane, but for some reason, it felt _good_. Finally, the portal opened up for Danny's school.  
"Okay, Danny! Let's get the hell outta here!"  
Rick grabbed Danny by the wrist and they flew into the portal, landing out by the backyard of the school.

* * *

They couldn't have come back at a worse time. A crowd of students (led by Tucker) were gathered around each other, holding up signs begging the school (coughSAMcough) to put meat back on the menu. Hopefully, this would appease the Lunch Lady.  
Danny ran up to Tucker, in need of being caught up.  
"What did I miss?" he asked.  
Tucker gave him the long and the short of it, "There's a ghost here wrecking havoc because Sam took meat off the menu," then yelled at Sam, "IF YOU WEREN'T SO SET ON THE VEGETARIAN THING, THIS WOULDN'T BE HAPPENING!"  
The Lunch Lady appeared over the school building, up to her hands in meat.  
"It's LUNCH TIME!" she yelled, and threw the meat at Tucker.  
At first, Tucker was delighted that he was getting his long-awaited meat. But then he noticed that the meat…was sentient—and started climbing up his pants.  
"MEAT!" he cried, "WHY DO YOU BETRAY ME?!"  
"Ugh, talk about overkill," Danny sighed, putting his palm to his face.  
"You can worry about them later," Rick appeared, ruining the moment, and grabbed Danny's wrist again, "C'mon Danny! We gotta get those seeds outta your ass!"  
"Wait! Rick! NO!" Danny protested, "Let me handle this! I wanna do this!"  
Rick let go, "I gotta say, you put on _quite_ a show back at customs. If you wanna do an encore, that's all right by me."

Danny cracked his knuckles and jumped upwards. Airbourne, he flew up so he was level with the Lunch Lady.  
"Hey Lunch Lady," Danny called out, "If you wanna get to them, you have to go through me first!"  
"Oho! Somebody is late for lunch!" The Lunch Lady laughed with glee, "Taste DOOM!", as she fired another round of her sentient meat minions in Danny's direction.  
The meat pieces gnawed on Danny's jumpsuit. Out of ghostly energy to keep going, he started to turn back into human, while the jumpsuit the meat was chewing turned into bare flesh. Danny realized where this was going—any more morphing and he would fall down hard on the ground below him. With every last bit of strength he had left, he changed back into a ghost. Danny shook the meat off, and charged ectoplasm into his fists.  
The Lunch Lady, big as she was, was not stupid, as she easily dodged Danny's ecto-blasts as soon as he fired them. Then she assembled another batch of meat and was ready to open fire.  
Rick, getting into the action himself, saw this as a perfect opportunity to attack the ghost from behind. So he flew up behind the Lunch Lady and punched her in the back, prematurely releasing the meat back to where it came from.  
"GRASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS TASTES BAAAAAAD-UH!" Ricky proudly proclaimed.  
"HEY!" yelled Sam from below.  
"Nothing personal, trying out a catchphrase."  
The Lunch Lady turned around, preparing to counter-attack, then stopped: she _recognized_ him!  
"Rick Sanchez?"  
"The lunch lady from when I was a student here?"  
The reunion was short-lived. The Lunch Lady saw no reason _not_ to sock it to Rick.  
"YOU ALWAYS SKIPPED LUNCH TO SPEND MORE TIME IN THE SCIENCE LAB!" she yelled, "YOU! WILL! PAAAYYY!"

Meanwhile, down below were Danny's parents, who were _still_ around, Jack fumbling with the Fenton Thermos™, trying to get it to work. They didn't notice that Danny or Rick were back. Yet.  
"Stupid piece of junk!" Jack declared out of frustration.  
He chucked the Thermos into the air. Instead of the loud clang he expected to hear, having thrown it with all his might, nothing could be heard. Jack and Maddie looked up to see that Danny, their own son, had caught the thermos in his hand!  
Danny pushed a few buttons and the Thermos, finally, came to life. With the Lunch Lady distracted, summoning another bunch of meat to do her bidding, he aimed the Thermos at her, then pushed the button to vacuum her inside. The crowd below rejoiced. Rick sidled up to Danny, and, floating down together, switch back into their human forms.  
"Great gURRPoing, Danny. The student becomes the teacher!" Then striking a pose, "BURGERTIME!"  
No takers. Sam gave him a sour face.  
"Oh, _C'MON_! That was better than the first one!"  
With Rick distracted with finding a silly catchphrase to settle on, Danny went to his parents to give the Thermos back.  
He was greeted with a bearhug from Jack.  
"That's my boy! Way to capture that ghost, Danny! Whadaya say you can be my sidekick someday?"  
"Jack!" said Maddie, "You're hurting him."  
"Howdja get the Thermos to work, little buddy?" said the skipper.  
"Wasn't turned on," said Danny, smug.  
Jack started into another, looser bearhug, "Hoboy, I _love_ this kid…," then he saw Rick show up behind Danny and let go, "Waitaminute, I'm supposed to be _mad_ at you!"


	6. Night

It was the last straw for Jack. Rick had to _leave_. He was sure an old people's home would be perfect for a crazy 70-something-plus year old guy who's (literally) half dead and pulling children away from school for dangerous adventures.  
Before dinner time, the moving truck Jack ordered arrived. A plethora of Rick's sole inventions were boxed. The ones he co-built with Jack or Maddie, well, his share of the inventions were taken apart, _then_ boxed. Rick was not happy.  
But that's not to say they weren't mad at Danny. I mean, _he_ had to miss a day of school for this. The argument/parental come-down occurred in the basement, with the portal behind them locked shut for the night.  
"You guys should really not be touching that stuff!" Rick protested, "It's beyond your reasoning!"  
" _You're_ beyond our reasoning!" Jack countered.  
"How could you make my son miss an entire day of school?" said Maddie, who was just as mad as Jack but not as harsh.  
"But Rick said he just needed my help," said Danny, "It's not like he couldn't take no for an answer, right?"  
Maddie said "Yes," but Jack said "No." Then they looked at each other.  
"What're you doing with my stuff, anyway?" said Rick.  
"We're…" Maddie sighed, "…taking you to a home."  
"A HOME? Wha…wha…what are you, _NUTS_?"  
"It was either this or rip you apart molecule by molecule," said Jack, "And since you're technically ghost, I can legally do that to you!"  
"What about Danny?" said Rick, "I suppose you'd wanna cURRPut him open too?"  
Danny flinched, shivered and cringed. Rick knew he had to save his hide somehow: he didn't want to wind up on the operating table, and he _certainly_ wasn't going to a home.

He had an idea. It had to do with something he forgot to do earlier.  
"Danny!" Rick shook his nephew vigorously "Tell your parents the square root of π!"  
"The what root of what?"  
"JUST DO IT, DANNY! The first tURRPen digits! Go!"  
"Uh…" Then Danny jolted upright, "1.772453850."  
Jack took a calculator from the table and pushed some buttons.  
"Woah! He's right!"  
"Do another one, Danny!" Rick egged, "If 2x(squared)+12=44, what is 'x'?"  
"4."  
Jack's calculator didn't have a square button, just square root. So he just took the others' word for it that it was correct.  
"He's not supposed to know that until next year…That was _amazing_ , Danny-boy!"  
"I told you both that school was stupid," Rick explained, "Danny's a gifted child, he's too smart for school! That's why he's my little helper; He's gonna grow up to do gURRPreat things later in his life! He's gonna do amazing science and fight ghosts like you guys!"  
"Actually Uncle Rick," said Danny "I kinda wanna be an astronaut."  
"Whatever."  
Maddie was awestruck. So was Jack, reluctantly.  
"Jack, I don't want this to stop."  
"I guess you're right, honey," they kissed, then Jack turned to Rick, "But Danny has to keep going to school."  
"Alright, Jack. Y-y-you drive a hard bargain, but whatam I supposed to do? S…say no? You really wear the pants around here, and those are some _big_ pants."  
Jack turned to head up the stairs.  
"We're gonna get your boxes back from the moving truck," said Maddie, "if you wanna go on another adventure with Danny, dinner's at 9."  
"You have my word, little sis," assured Rick.

"So where are we we gonna go now, Uncle Rick?" said Danny as the family matriarch left the basement.  
"We gotta go back into the Ghost Zone and get us some more EctoSeeds."  
"What? After all we've been through?"  
"That burst of super-intelligence you've just displayed was a result of the seeds dissolving in your rectal cavity."  
"Eugh…"  
"And once those seeds wear off, you're gonna loose most of your motor skills and a bit of brain functionality, Danny, starting riURRPght about now."  
Danny's legs gave way and he fell down onto the floor.  
"I'm sorry, Danny. You're as dumb as they come and I needed those seeds _real_ bad and I had to give them up just to get your parents off my back. So now we gotta recharge the portal gun so we can get in, get 'em, get out again, Danny! And then we're gonna go on even more adventures after that, Danny! The world is full of idiots that don't understand what's important, and they'll tear is apart, Danny! You stick with me and I'll accomplish great things, Danny, and you're gonna be a part of 'em! It's just Rick and Danny! Rick and Danny and their adventures! Rick and Danny forever and ever a hundred years Rick and Danny! Me, Rick and Danny soaring the air, beating up bad guys, Rick and Danny time! All day long forever, a hundred days, Rick and Danny forever a hundred times Rick and Danny…"

* * *

 **GAME OVER**

Rick and his grandson Morty took off their VR helmets, and found themselves back at their local Blips and Chitz.  
"Woah, that was fun!" said Morty.  
"You got that right, Morty!" said Rick, " _Danny Phantom_ is one of my favorite games to play here…specially when there's a long line at _Roy_!"  
"But I gotta ask you, how come I had to play as Danny, while you get to play as yourself?"  
"I dunno, Morty. To be honest, I didn't know this game even _had_ a two-player mode! Looks like it was a new experience for the both of us, Morty!"  
Rick took the countless amount of tickets that came out of the machine, then lead Morty to the prizes area.  
"And that's the waaaayyyyy the news goes!"  
The next kid in line for the game inserted a coin and put on the helmet. He had spiky jet black hair and a white shirt. His name was Danny.


End file.
